BRB, Netflix is on the Line…

When I say I used to be passive aggressive I mean I used to be ~passive aggressive.~ In a culture of feminine politeness and submission I was always worried to say what I actually wanted to say at risk of offending someone and being the bitch in the room. Even if we were just talking about where to get dinner. The dreaded “…” was more common than a Juicy Couture sweatsuit in the early 2000s. Just use your imagination. 

So, here comes a tribute post to the person that taught me the importance of *true* communication- the one and only MC. 

When we started dating it was hard for me to say how I felt about anything because all I could think was that if I said something wrong he’d run for the hills like the Von Trapp family Sound of Music style. But something that really changed my perspective on the whole thing was when he straight up asked me not to play the passive game. And at first I was stunned. I hadn’t really ever been called out for it before, but once he said it I realized my whole friend group was guilty and I was the “Queen of the Dot Dot Dot.” BRB, Netflix is on the line, they want to create another Making of a Murder show but starring me called Making of a Passive Aggressive Sass Monster. They’ve already casted Mindy Kaling.

Since then we’ve mastered communication together and it’s been the biggest reason we’ve made it this far. Sure, I cry every time we disagree but that’s just me and my overactive tear ducts. Let me bottle it up for a couple days and then we’ll talk it out better than Dr. Phil. Problem, meet discussion. Real game changer.

When I sit down and think about it, the whole thing has made me more candid and less avoidant in other friendships, too. I’ll be the first girl in the room to tell you if something doesn’t look straight off the runway or if that lunchtime salad munch is hanging around in your teeth. No playing. No “uuuummmm.” No reason to flirt around what I actually want to say. It’s a kind of security in what you think that makes you realize everyone is entitled to an opinion and you should share it if it’s A) not totally evil and B) something you care about.

Dear world, just say what you actually want. I can’t listen to the pretending not to care if we go to mall when all you really want to eat ice cream in our pajamas and watch the Bachelor. Just let me know & I’ll bring my Lactaid pills.

So MC, I guess I’ll add this to the list of things I’ve gotten out of our relationship. Right below back scratches and Cava date nights.

Stuck in my head: I Can Feel a Hot One // Manchester Orchestra
Snap it: Adams Morgan

The Truth about Long Distance Relationships…

Let me first start by stating that I am not a relationship person. Well, I wasn’t a relationship person. Now I probably have to categorize myself as a relationship person because its socially incorrect to have a boyfriend for a year and call yourself “not a relationship person.” Right?

My point- they were all right, long distance sucks. I mean where is this so-called boyfriend when you look smokin’ hot and just want someone to tell you that. I’ll tell you where he is, he is a long distance away. But more than that, I never really imagined it being this hard. I mean MC (that’s him, that’s the boy) and I spent the whole summer apart (RIP summer 16 please never come back) and it wasn’t great, but we survived. Still, college seems to be a very very different ballpark than summer camp. All of a sudden it’s hard to even text because he’s in class and I’m at the gym, or I’m out with friends and he’s eating a meal, and the fact that he is currently living off a flip phone (the “Trap Phone”) makes this all the more impossible.

All of the above aside I’ve learned three things about long distance, and I call them “THE BIG Fs:”

F #1: Fighting. Get used to it. Every sentence feels pointed and offensive sometimes. Don’t worry, it’s not you, it’s not him, it’s distance. It has inserted itself all up in there in your relationship and made you think the world is ending with every word, but it’s not, you are just slowly going insane from lack of constant attention. Or at least I am. Please pray for me.

F #2: Finding. Seeing each other is actually so hard to coordinate. MC and I are only 40 minutes away from each other but we might as well be in different states in different countries on different planets. I don’t have a car, he doesn’t have a car. I don’t have a free weekend until October 6th, he doesn’t like that I don’t have a free weekend until October 6th (don’t shoot the messenger, shoot the business scholars program). As you can see, planning is tedious and horrible and hard and heartbreaking, but you just have to suck it up and pull out your day planner. Yes, I use a day planner. Google Calendar is too advanced for me. I’m working on it.

F #3: Friendship. Honestly, sometimes it feels like we’re back to those unfortunate 3 years before I realized MC wanted to be more than friends because all you can do is text and Facetime. I’m talking middle school level relationship right here. Static. Minimal excitement. Here’s an excerpt from our messages today:
MC: U done?
Me: No ugh so much hw i am dying
MC: its been four hours tf
Me: Econ
I don’t know about you, but that sounds like real good, stimulating, engaging conversation right there. Love that stuff. 

But in the end, that moment when I am finally hugging him and smelling his smell (I am not creepy, after a year I can sniff my boyfriend and have it not be creepy, okay? You date someone for a year and then get back to me.) make every single F worth it. At least for me, when I see guys at school all I can think is “wow, college has really cute boys, but why give up a good thing while it’s still good.”

And that right there erases those miles real quick. 

Stuck in my head: Cigarette Daydreams // Cage the Elephant
Snap it: Reflection Pool, DC

Related but unrelated: Happy anniversary.