An Open Letter to Halloween…

When it comes to priorities I’m pretty set:

  1. School/Interning
  2. Working Out
  3. Eating
  4. Everything else
  5. Things I hate
  6. Halloween

If there’s one thing that messes with your week more than an exam it’s a pointless holiday that requires actual effort and planning- aka, Halloween.

Let me just rant for a second here. Halloween used to be the best day of the year. Free candy, running crazy through the neighborhood, no parents… FREE. CANDY. And then all of a sudden I was “too old” for free candy. As if candy has a warning label right next to its nurtrition information that says “do not give to anyone older than 13 for free.” It’s honestly a disgrace to candy culture to create that kind of exclusivity. I’m genuinely disgusted. That is when Halloween truly died. Moving forward, once trick-or-treating was out of the picture you were expected to love being scared for fun. I’m sorry, there is nothing amusing about cowering in fear and sleeping with the lights on because you’re worried your house is haunted. Catch me at a horror movie never. And now I have a new struggle with Halloween. It has become a week long. Halloweek. Sounds an awful lot like hellweek. Coincidence? I think not. With said week comes expectations: 1) party every night like it’s not a Wednesday and you don’t have classes the next morning 2) have a slew of slutty costumes at your disposal 3) do it all again every night until it’s November 1st. If you refer back to my priorities list, Halloween is pretty low. Therefore, this week is my mortal enemy and it is screwing everything up.

Let me just say, I love to have fun and go out and be with friends. I’m not a Miranda, I’m totally a Carrie (minus the love confusion and crazy experiences), always up for a good time but with my eyes on the prize (her prize- new Prada shoes, mine- an A on my next midterm). But anyways, I just really love going out in clothes that are cute and trendy and match instagram aesthetic (think chokers & booties & city vibes). Devil horns do not match my Instagram aesthetic. And I know I can still go out in regular outfits, but all of a sudden I become a buzzkill. I’m the girl that didn’t dress as anything. I’m the person who showed up dressed as a person (not going to lie this was one of my costume ideas that was vetoed). & if I do try and dress up I have to really commit to it and put in effort and be creative. I. Don’t. Have. Time. For. This. 

Not to mention how women are expected to be a “sexy _____” instead of just whatever they’re dressing up as. I get it, it’s an excuse to show a little extra leg and not be yourself for one night. But, excuse me beautiful, skinny, sexy bunny, you are ruining dressing up for all of us girls that just want to be chicken nuggets and other unattractive, yet hilarious, things like that. Real world application: my costume idea to be cleaning supplies got shot down because it couldn’t be made sexy enough. Do you hear noise? That’s my dreams of being a mop getting flushed down the toliet with the rest of my dignity as I put on my cat ears.

As my wise friend said in a group message today “Every year I realize how much I hate Halloween and the hatred only grows.” 

Good to know there are other sufferers out there. I knew I picked good friends. Alright, guess I better figure out what I’m being because I’m out of candy and being social is all part of the college experience.

Stuck in my head: Heartbeats // Jose Gonzalez
Snap it: U-Street, Washington, DC

Please send me candy corn. It’s all I want in this world.